100 Things I Can't Do in the DA's Office
by xXKanpekiXx
Summary: TOTAL CRACK! Is funny. 100 Things that are not allowed in the prosecutor's office. XD hahah check it out!
1. I am Not Allowed 1

This was totally inspired by "100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do at Hyoutei" XD and Rebeccers ffic, so here we are. If you like it, let me know! I'll keep working on it somehow.

And in case it's not clear, I don't own Phoenix Wright. OMG If I did, that would be so kick ass, but alas, no.

**Full Title: 100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do at the DA's Office**

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**Number 1: I am not allowed to replace the coffee with decaf coffee**.

A triumphant smile crept its way across Detective Gumshoe's scruffy face as he heard the coffee brewing noises of victory.

He stretched slowly and tossed his patched-up green jacket in the janitor's coat closet as he was not permitted to hang his filthy rag of a coat next to the pristine line of prosecutorial suit jackets.

He would have stuffed his overcoat in his car, but that was currently full to the brim of empty ramen containers (his month's rations). Gumshoe let a small skip loose as he made his jolly way up the stairs.

Maybe, if the coffee didn't poison someone on accident like last time, the poor detective might get a pay raise for once!

Well, we know that won't happen, but a pal can dream, can't he?

So, as Detective Gumshoe was hauling himself eagerly up the stairs for his early morning whipping, a certain blue-suited attorney trotted through the glass double doors of the DA's office, forlorn and quite ruffled. He was having a terrible morning and was praying to all that is objectionable that going over his new case file may get his ass back in line.

As he stumbled across the glittering tile of the cafeteria, his brain tried to navigate the vast halls of the DA's office.

While he was tumbling around, he accidentally tripped over a prosecutor's briefcase and ran into the almost full pot of coffee sitting on one of the counters. It splashed and splattered everywhere, burning and singeing everything in its path, including some very irritated attorneys and the large, rather creepy Blue Badger figure bouncing around. Phoenix cursed as he set the pot back.

He felt so bad about what he had done that he gritted his teeth and pulled out the free sample of decaf coffee he got at the bookstore's coffee shop. They had nice free samples all the time, so the spikey-haired bum liked to get free things there.

What?

He spent so much money feeding Maya that he was broke more than 90 percent of the time.

So there Phoenix went, happily humming over the case file he had wrestled from Edgeworth's clutches and the good deed or replacing the coffee. He walked out a carefree man.

Later that day, a very disgruntled Godot destroyed half the prosecutor's office in his rage, knocked himself out in the process, and had to be hospitalized.

Needless to say, everyone blamed the hapless detective for a blunder that was not his own, so Detective Gumshoe got another pay cut.

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Reviews are nice...XD please? Tell me what you think!


	2. I am Not Allowed 2

YAY! Chapter 2. Haha I lovers this song! If you don't know Caramelldansen, then you're deprived. Please look it up XD. If you like this randomness and you like D.Gray-Man, Death Note, or Prince of Tennis, I have some other random things too.

Then, in the Phoenix Wright ffics, I have "Stop Hitting Yourself" which I am hoping to update as soon as Rebeccer hands me the next chapter. "Franziska Caramelldansen?" and "You Look Like a Swedish Fish!" are also here. If you don't mind reading them, I hope you read "You Look Like a Swedish Fish!" before "Franziska Caramelldansen?"

**Number 2: I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO CARAMELLDANSEN IN EDGEWORTH'S OFFICE**

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The gleaming, spotless desk, the neatly assorted teas, and the pristine bookcase lining the room really gave the room a elegant, royal feeling.

It was the exact opposite of the office a certain blue-suited defense attorney run; it was just so..._professional_... Phoenix Wright always felt so out of place whenever he went into Edgeworth's office.

He shuffled around, pondering whether he was allowed to sit on one of the foreign and certainly expensive couches. Deciding against it, he made his way over to the bookshelf, noting that half the books had bookmarks indicating that they actually were used, unlike the dusty, outdated law books in Wright and Co.'s office.

As Phoenix surveyed the room again, he say Maya bouncing up and down on one of those really expensive looking couches.

"Maya!" Phoenix hissed, "Get off of there!"

Maya pouted and crossed her arms stubbornly. "But Nick, they're so bouncy!" Wright returned the glare.

"They're pricey as well!"

Maya sighed and gave up. She couldn't win.

"Fine, Nick. But when did Mr. Edgeworth say he would be back? Ema seemed really insistent that we deliver her note today."

Phoenix clenched his fists and said "Edgeworth said he would be here half an hour ago..."

Maya shrugged and trotted over to the sparkling clean desk and fiddled with the mouse of the brand spankin' new computer. Phoenix was uneasy again, but decided that if Edgeworth was not going to grace them with his presence when he said he would, a little payback was in order.

Although, when Caramelldansen started blaring over the computer speakers, Phoenix had to wonder if that was a bit excessive. Oh well, he and his fluffed up cravat deserved it.

Oh god, it was the speedy cake remix too...

Phoenix had been forced to dance to this music time and time again.

Thankfully, he would not be asked to- "NICK! DO THE DANCE!"

_'Goddamn it.' _

Phoenix shook his head vigorously.

"No thank you, Maya. I'm going to have to pass on that..." But passing was not an option for the spiky haired lawyer as Maya threw him the death glare of the century.

As Phoenix started to sway his hips and flap his hands in time to the fast-paced music, Maya decided that she wanted to grab a snack from the vending machine in the cafeteria, so she stole Nick's wallet as he was doing his ridiculous dance. He paused to reprimand the teenage girl for stealing, but she smacked him upside the head for stopping the dance.

She yelled back on her way out "Don't stop, Nick! Or you have to take me out for burgers again!" Nick grumbled. Maya had his wallet, so she knew he couldn't afford to buy out half a burger stand right now. He continued his dance for another 3 minutes and when he heard the door creak open, he said "It's about time May- OH MY GOD!"

Phoenix stopped dancing.

The cravat was flowing in the gentle breeze of the air conditioning as Miles Edgeworth stood, dumbfounded, at the sight of seeing Phoenix Wright Caramelldansen in his office.

"Wright..."

Phoenix still had a horrified expression on his face as Maya came bounding in with those mini doughnuts stuffed in her mouth. She growled and yelled "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP DANCING!" Phoenix gulped.

The humiliated attorney slammed Ema's note onto Edgeworth's desk and hauled ass out of his office, a complaining Maya in tow.

On his way out of the prosecutor's office, Phoenix could hear the maniacal laughter of Miles Edgeworth over that dreaded song.

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You like? I hope so! I'll be working on chapter 3! And I also hope you check out some of my other crack! XD THANKS FOR READING! LOVE YOU ALL!


	3. I am Not Allowed 3

HEY! Sorry I've been neglecting this story. I just have a lot to do XD. OH and if anyone likes Death note or D gray man, I have stories for them too! Haha I was listening to this song and started singing it at school during tennis, but I wasn't as unlucky as Phoenix was because my friends joined in :D.

OH and I was Franziska von Karma for Halloween, but people kept saying I looked like a flight attendant. WTF

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**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to do in the DA's Office. **

**Number 3: I'm Not Allowed to Burst Out in Song in the Hallways.**

Maya gave an immature and unstable series of hip shakes about the room and managed to knock over a large stack of case files on her rampage of "dancing", prompting Phoenix to peer over his extra-thick paperwork.

"Maya!" he cried, quite disgruntled at the scattered papers covering the already barely visible carpet. "How many times have I told you to take that kind of dancing outside? This office can't handle your artistic expression! And come on! We have to go to the Prosecutor's Office again. They want this case file."

Maya frowned slightly, pausing her swaying just long enough to take the ear buds out of her ears.

Phoenix grimaced as he realized just how loud that music was; he could hear it blasting from that mp3 player and he was about 10 feet away from the 18 year-old. Phoenix reluctantly repeated his lecture for Maya's benefit and sighed when Maya opened up her best can of pout on him.

"BUT NICK! This song is SOOO poppin'. And you shouldn't talk Mr. I-Do-Caramelldansen-in-Edgeworth's-Office." She moaned, anxious to put her earphones back in and continue her one girl dance party. Phoenix opened his mouth to yell "Objection!" as he seemed to like to do in his spare time as well, when Maya decided that it would be more beneficial to her argument if she just let him listen to the damn song.

Well…she had to kind of…almost…strangled him to get the stupid things on because he was arguing with her on his way out the door.

It was his fault, really.

If he hadn't been so reckless, walking and all, he probably wouldn't be stroking his sore windpipe like that. The spiky haired attorney winced at the sheer volume of the music when he finally managed to get the earpieces in his ears safely, but accepted the fact that the volume would probably not lower despite any feeble complaints he lodged.

**Na Na Na Na Na Na Na  
Na Na Na Na Na Na  
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na  
Na Na Na Na Na Na**

I guess I just lost my husband  
I don't know where he went  
So I'm gonna drink my money  
I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope)  
I got a brand new attitude  
And I'm gonna wear it tonight  
I wanna get in trouble  
I wanna start a fight

'_Hey…this isn't that bad. Kinda catchy…"_

**  
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na  
I wanna start a fight  
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na  
I wanna start a fight**_'Oh, wow! This is really catchy… I really like it!'_

**So so what?  
I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what  
I'm having more fun  
And now that we're done  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright, I'm just fine  
And you're a tool  
So so what?  
I am a rockstar  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight!**

By the time he had played the song a couple more times and he figured out that they passed the DA's office because of his newly found obsession with that song.

Once they had arrived to the Prosecutor's Office, 20 minutes after they had anticipated, Maya flew off again in her jolly way to go find another vending machine to squander Phoenix's hard earned money which left the blue suited attorney to navigate the quiet halls of the depressing building all by his lonesome. And in the name of all that is pink and cravaty, that damn song came sneaking back in his head.

"So so what…

...and guess what…

...I'm gonna show you tonight…

SO SO WHAT?

I AM A ROCK STAR!

IT GOT MY ROCK MOVES!

AND I DON'T WAAAAAAAAAANT YOU TONIIIIIIGHT!"

Phoenix sang like he had never sung before. His performance was complete with both his tremendous voice and his top of the line dance moves that sent both Franziska von Karma and Miles Edgeworth, who were fortunate enough to have seen this wonderful expression through their doorways, into fits of uncontrollable giggles.

Phoenix, still quite unaware of his growing audience, continued on singing and dancing until the big finale with the kick turn and the cartwheel. It didn't go quite as it had in Phoenix's imagination, but it kicked some major ass all the same. As he got to his feet, he heard some applause and, thinking it was coming from his inflated ego, he started bowing.

Until he saw them.

All the prosecutors lining the halls, hooting and hollering at the very…original rendition of Pink's new hit song.

Phoenix learned the hard way not to sing in the DA's office anymore…

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YAY It's done. Or Boo it's done? I don't know :P. Reviews make me sing a lot more in public!


	4. I am Not Allowed 4

Totally typed this chapter up during tennis class. And now I'm posting in between chemistry questions. I have a lot of homework and I have a tennis thing I have to go to in a while, but I felt that I wanted this chapter online as soon as possible.

When you review, if you could please tell me what character you'd like to see more of, that would be fantastic. I will, of course, include everyone, but I would like to hear your preferences if I could.

Enjoy!

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**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in the DA's Office**

**Number 4: I'm not allowed to look at random papers on Edgeworth's desk.**

Another day, another short-notice investigation. After the normal pleas and begging, another person was granted a defense attorney and Phoenix Wright had another seemingly unsolvable case. Setting to work and going through the motions, he wandered out to the DA's office to get more information.

Thank god for that delightful law that forces prosecutors to hand their case files over to the defense attorney. All that fuss made passing it was worth it every time Miles Edgeworth grumbled as he surrendered a case file to Phoenix. Nearly drooling in anticipation, Phoenix discovered one of the few and far between perks of his job. Sure, it was very rewarding at times, but the rest of the time, it was a harsh job. Edgeworth, being the frill-sergeant that he was, had said it best. "Is there some sort of 'Kick me' sign on the defense bench?"

Anyway, Phoenix was about to reap one of the sweet, sweet rewards of his stressful job and he hummed as he opened the glass double doors to the DA's office.

Why, he was so happy, he even waved to Franziska von Karma when he saw her clacking down the hall, hefty stacks of paper in hand.

Bad move.

20 lashes, 5 face wounds, and a 10 minute later, Franziska concluded the beating with a "Don't you ever think of waving to me again in such a foolish manner!" and stormed off.

A little disheartened, but still eager to goad Edgeworth with the sharp stick of fair trial laws, he continued on. There was a point in time when Phoenix saw Godot pouring himself a cup of "pure, unadulterated heaven" and went to wave on instinct, but thought better of it. After what seemed like forever, what with the author describing pointless situations that have no real importance to the story, Phoenix finally approached the grand wooden door of Edgeworth's office. Panting slightly at his long plight, he knocked on the elegant wood, feeling a little burn from the richness of the whole thing.

When he got no answer, Phoenix grimaced and knocked again, subjecting his poor knuckles to the burn of the sophistication.

"Damn it, Edgeworth! Answer the door! Your wealth is giving me a rash!" Surprisingly, or not surprisingly, Edgeworth did not answer the door. Fed up with having to wait, Phoenix practically strangled the doorknob and entered the office anyway.

And Edgeworth was standing there.

Nude.

Just kidding.

Phoenix wishes.

The office was empty.

What is it with Phoenix and going into people's offices when they're not there? (Yeah really? That game teaches stalker-ism). The vast space was redolent with the scent of books and wealth, suitable for the pristine workspace of a professional, honorable attorney.

It made Phoenix sneeze.

All over the desk.

And it moved some papers around.

Go figure.

But since Phoenix would never dream of invading Edgeworth's privacy for any reason, let alone anything as trivial as a case he was going to win anyway, he took the high road and didn't steal even a glance at the papers on his desk.

Just kidding.

I hope I didn't fool you.

He totally looked. Nay, not only did he look, he snatched the papers of Edgeworth's desk and fucking scoured those bad boys. Under the autopsy report and the statements of the witnesses there was another paper, one that was unfamiliar to Phoenix. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be the results of a pregnancy test.

Mind you, it wasn't one of those pee-stick pink plus signs of doom.

No, this was professional with a doctor's signature and everything! Phoenix scanned the paper again, searching for relevance to the case when, in the little box reserved for the patient's name, he saw "Edgeworth" emblazed in ink. Phoenix nearly dropped the paper. He led out a voiceless shriek as he found the FATHER'S name. "Tall Round." (HAHAH Indiana Jones poke).

Apparently, Edgeworth's ears are in tune to voiceless shrieks. He stood there will all his cravaty glory surrounding him, peering at his intruder.

"Well, hello, Wright." He said, just loud enough to cause an audible shout from the offending party.

"E-Ed-Edg-E-Miles! What-what a-are y-y-you doing h-here?" he stuttered, now shaking with something akin to fear.

"This is my office Wright. I work here. The better question is: What are you doing here?" His voice carried a suppressed anger, a certain annoyance, but sounded pleasant all the same. That's when mischievous children…and Phoenix… know that they're in trouble.

"I uhhh came to…errrr get the uhhh…case file?" Edgeworth sighed. This was not the first time he had caught Wright riffling through his office. It was bound to happen and he was starting to accept it.

But not fully.

Not yet.

"I would have thought that a closed door would indicate my absence, not invite whoever passes by to flip through my things." His voice had turned to ice, but only until Phoenix brought out the big guns of stupidity.

"Hey, Edgeworth, are you pregnant?"

…

"What?"

"You know, pregnant. Like do you have preggers?"

"What have you been smoking, Wright?"

"Crack, but only a little, I swear! And your name is on the paper! It says you're gonna have a kid!" Phoenix exclaimed, pointing his finger in that accusatory fashion of his.

It was then that something came over Edgeworth.

Perhaps he liked the idea of having a drugged up Phoenix running through the streets proclaiming a man pregnant and making himself look like a complete asswad.

Maybe he just wanted to mess with him.

Most likely, it was just a way to keep his rival's mitts off a valuable piece of evidence by feeding him fantasy.

But for whatever reason, Edgeworth spoke the words he had assumed would never emerge from his lips.

"Yes, Wright, I'm pregnant."

Phoenix Wright, defense attorney, came remarkable close to being locked in an insane asylum for publicly claiming a man pregnant. He never again looked at random papers on Edgeworth's desk.

Well, not for a week at least.

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Done! How did you like it? Wow I took a long break from this story. I hope to write a lot more!


	5. I am Not Allowed 5

Please forgive me for not posting earlier! Stupid midterms. Teachers are all in prep mode now and I got sick. It was bad, I had to leave school. So I thought I'd make this a 2+ parter, depending on how far my whim will carry me. Sorry for the crap factor, I wrote this during chem while I was taking notes. Do you want the second part next or should I space it out? Make it worth the wait hahaha.

Well, I don't own anything....as I've established before. I'm really bored. Dreading school tomorrow. Please save me! I have to make up a test right after I take a chem test! And I don't pay attention in chem! OR MATH AGHHHH. SO not ready for tomorrow.

Depression FTW! haaha Total Potter Puppet Pals reference in here! WOOT! And without further ado, I give you:

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**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in the DA's Office**

**Number 5: I'm Not Allowed to Start a Boyband**

It was just like another other day for the work-less defense attorney.

Maya was ogling the Steel Samurai with Pearls and his wallet was still bone dry. He stretched the leather money holder, as if searching for a cent, but it seemed that money-highs were an ephemeral sensation around the Wright and Co. Law Offices.

Phoenix sighed, depression setting in about the fact that he could see the ragged bottom of his wallet without a buck to block the view.

Just then, from under a conspicuous pile of papers, Phoenix heard a voice.

"You've got mail!"

Phoenix glared at Maya, sending daggers at the back of her head while he stormed over to the talking case stack.

"Maya! How many times have I told you not to bury Pearly's little 'boyfriends' in the office? The community park will do just fine!"

She glanced back from her awkward position off the side of the couch and shouted back a "Hey! I haven't touched one for at least a month! I've restricted myself to screaming at them. And besides, the park is where all the nooblets bury their victims. The DA's office is where it's at!" She said, rolling around a bit and half squishing her cousin. Phoenix looked skeptical, more ruled by the muffled voice from under the paper avalanche than Maya's child burial lessons, so he started digging. After a little while, more like half an hour, he unearthed the source of the mysterious ticking noise.

A pipe bomb.

Just kidding.

It was a computer.

Phoenix vaguely remembered having one before the great file landslide, but he hadn't seen it for a good year. Well, apparently, for the first time in that yearlong stretch, Phoenix Wright had mail. It was an email from Winston Payne.

"Mr. Phoenix Wright,

I hope I have the WRIGHT email address as the person who gave it to me said it had never been used…Anyway, since your performance last week was SO good, I thought you might be interested in this. Put some money in that wallet of yours for that…sensational talent you posses.

Love,

Winston Payne."

Completely missing the sarcasm, Phoenix fished around in the paper pool for the mouse and, once he found it, maneuvered the little arrow over to the blue lettering.

Click.

It was an agency's website, only a 5 on the shady scale, mostly devoted to one ad.

"Boyband wanted! $5,000 a gig salary!"

This was it!

This was the break Phoenix'd been waiting for!

Ok, not really, but he had no cases in sight and the ominous water bill threatened to abandon the toilet that Phoenix loved to clean so much. It was time for affirmative action! Well, it always is, but especially so! He snatched at the bus pass from a nearby case file stack/table and hurried out a largely ignored excuse to Maya as he slipped out of the office. Phoenix made a mad dash to the bus, stopping only to shot the driver his pass, rushing and nearly giving the poor old man a heart attack. His knees gave an anxious series of shakes and his fingers busied themselves with the scrap metal coming off his crappy badge. (Don't worry! His real badge is safe in his apartment. This is a fake so when he went to the soup kitchens he looked more pathetic)

Once at his long awaited stop, the hyperactive attorney nearly faceplanted as he tripped down the bus steps. With unmatched coordination, he saved himself from a dive into the nearby bush and hurried into the DA's office.

He's so graceful. I can't wait till he starts dancing.

He blasted into the prosecutor's building at full force, speeding up the flights of stairs to reach his destination.

Edgeworth's office.

He flung open the wooden door, startling Edgeworth as he perused his paperwork gracefully.

"Wright! What is this meaning of this? Common courtesy demands knocking!"

"…Common who? Well, whoever she is, she's a needy bitch. Anyway, Edgeworth! Let's start a boyband!"

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Woo for bad fanfic! Total crack. Super crack. Unfathomable crack.


	6. I am Not Allowed 6

I honestly don't know what chapter this is and I won't until I actually add it to the story, so sorry for the lackluster introduction. My contacts are slipping and I'm kind of tired. Long day. Anyway, I decided to have a tye-dye party after my softball game and team lunch. Hope the shirts turn out ok, that dye was fucking expensive.

Anyway, please vote in my profile poll. First one to ten wins! XD

Don't know where I got the idea for this chapter. I think I was just sitting in my chem class with my teacher that reminds me SO much of Winston Payne (long story for another time) and it just popped into my head. Next, it's either the continuation of Boyband or Franziska's whip. Please give me your input! It's much more important than mine XD.

Filling space filling space filling space sayingnothingatallandwhenyoudothisyougetreallytemptedtoputinspacesanditshardnottothenyoufeellikeanidiotormaybeitsjustmeidontknowandimtootiredtocare

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**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in the DA's Office**

**Number 6: I'm Not Allowed to Leave a Burger Trail**

Phoenix Wright was on thin ice at the DA's office. Again.

Well, he was always, but his antics had recently made him Public Enemy Number One.

Normally, when tensions grew and they started putting up the Wanted posters, Phoenix would lay low and stay clear until they at least took down the signs, but this time around, he could only afford to wait until they dropped the bounty. Funny thing about that is, he considered turning himself in just to get the reward money. It didn't pan out…

Well, thanks to his foolhardy complacency and unfortunate tendency to get wind of cases last minute, he'd booked himself a case and hadn't looked into it at all. He wasn't sure if it was a murder case or a pedophilia suit so the night before, he went to visit his client. That's when things started going downhill.

Turns out, Phoenix was set to defend a Mr. Shelly De Killer.

It was then that Phoenix realized he'd actually have to go to court prepared. None of that morning-of crap. His first step was to get the case files from the prosecutor, Miles Edgeworth, which meant a premature return to the DA's office. Realizing his fate and somewhat accepting his impending death, Phoenix Wright packed his things and quickly revised his will to exclude Miles for bringing on the defense attorney hunt.

He glanced over at Maya and groaned, fearing for more than his life now.

Maya was Caramelldansen.

He didn't have time for this again and any tranquilizer cheap enough to even dip into Phoenix's price range wouldn't be effective for at least an hour. An hour he didn't have. Phoenix cursed his crippling lack of money. If he could harvest one tenth of Edgeworth's salary, he could probably afford a week's worth of zoo-grade tranquilizer and still have enough funds left over to pay his rent for 3 months. But all calculations of frenemie's salaries aside, Phoenix had to do something fast.

Sadly, he didn't even have enough time to think as he hustled out the door with Maya following. So, they boarded the bus and sat down, thinking of the best way to solve his problem. And the solution went flying by the window as the bus came to a halt.

Burgers.

Burgers could fix this! Burgers could fix anything, especially when Maya was involved.

So Phoenix Wright and his not-so-trusty psychic sidekick made a quick pit stop to a burger place located suspiciously close to the DA's office. What? Prosecutors like greasy burgers too!

Don't act as if you can't imagine Winston Payne smuggling a hamburger or two into the DA's office in his greasy coat.

That's why his comb over was always dripping with grease.

No hair gel there mofo.

Seeing the burger shop, Phoenix thought on his feet and grabbed Maya. They ran into the shop and ran out, Maya severely disheartened and disgruntled by the fact that Nick had bought a bunch of burgers and not given her any. She couldn't rightly assume that she'd get any of those drippy treats since he hadn't given her one for the road. Maya pouted and resumed her Caramelldansen into the DA's office.

Just before entering the building, they had to don their disguises, as to fly under the honed radars of the resident attorneys.

Phoenix was dressed as a professional lawyer.

Technically, he just stood up straight and acted competent.

No one recognized him.

Maya's costume was less convincing as she'd gone with a cowgirl outfit this time around. They made it safely to Fudgey's office, something that proved good and bad. Edgey was there and he saw through the fake sense of accomplishment and greeted his rival accordingly.

"Hello, Wright. I assume you and Miss. Fey are here for that case file. I left it in the other office file room, so I'll have to go get it. However, I do not trust either of you in my office anymore, so Wright, come with me, and Miss. Fey, please wait in the cafeteria?"

Maya nodded and skipped out. As sht turned around, Edgeworth saw the large bag taped to her back. The bag had a fairly sizeable hole in it that leaked out a burger with every few steps. He was about to comment on it when Phoenix spun him round and pointed them in the direction of the file room. He explained the method to the madness on the way there.

"This will 1) Keep her busy, 2) Help her find her way back, and 3) stop her from bugging you." Miles, impressed at the small display of foresight thought impossible of his rival, nodded silently, giving his cravat-sealed frill of approval and the two made their way down prosecutorial lane, hand in hand.

~o.0~o.0~o.0~

It had been an incredibly strenuous day for Franziska von Karma.

Well, everyday was an exercise in futility for the German prosecutor, but that day was especially draining.

She'd failed to talk her way out of a parking ticket as her "You American fools drive too damn slow!" argument didn't go over so well with the police officer who she'd just rear ended. Not that the fine was a big deal to her. She was just pissed that she had lost the argument, though as she would tell anyone who asked, that police officer held a grudge against her for being so perfect.

After that whole ordeal, she arrived to work expecting her gingerbread latte to be on her desk, which it was, but something about it made her pause.

"SCRUFFY!"

Detective Gumshoe shuffled into the room, standing at full attention.

"Yes, Ms. Von Karma, sir?"

Franziska pointed to her completely inedible latte.

"Is there somethin' wrong with it, pal?"

The angry woman growled and yelled "Is there something wrong with your head? Of course there's an imperfection! YOU brought it to me. Look! I told you to have the gingerbread man in the whipped cream!"

"And he is."

"He's supposed to be one half of the way in the whipped cream."

"He is, ma'am, but"

"FOOL!" –Gumshoe gets whipped- "The gingerbread man is clearly three fourths of the way into the latte! He only tastes foolish now. Take it away." She stormed out, planning to get her own latte to avoid the risk of stupidity contamination.

And just because life was not done being cruel to poor Franziska von Karma, she got the heel of her beautiful designer boots stuck in a greasy burger that was laying around in the cafeteria. Demanding to know who owed her a new pair of quite expensive shoes, her sights fell on a suspicious cowgirl munching on another one of those damn hamburgers.

~o.0~o.0~o.0~

"Ah, the rich smell of coffee. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? You're so…so…what is THAT?" Godot sniffed the "World's Greatest Prosecutor" mug again, satisfied that his precious roast blend was not emitting the awful oily smell that was interrupting his 6th cup of happy.

Having a pretty good idea of where the stench came from, Godot stormed outside of his office and shouted into the hallway "Payne! I thought I told you to stay the fuck out of my office!"

He was cut short as the overpowering stench of Ted's Burgers slapped him in the face and made him drop his coffee. The burgers on the floor infuriated Godot and he stomped around to try and find the perpetrator.

~o.0~o.0~o.0~

Gumshoe, still pouting after his punishment, trotted around, looking for something to do since no one wanted him at the police station. His stomach growled and he held his poor, poor tummy. He sniffled, having another pity party for himself, but Gumshoe put the party on hold as his nose picked up the sweet, sweet scent of beef, cheese, ketchup, tomatoes, and the works.

Gumshoe looked down.

That was the best move he'd made all day.

For lo and behold, a Ted's burger was lying at his feet like a gift to a starving detective.

He grabbed it off the ground with not a moment's hesitation, tears of joy streaming down his unshaven face. Then, Detective Gumshoe made another great move.

He looked to the left.

There was a burger trail. He began to pick up the burgers and eventually, it led him to Maya Fey, cowgirl style, chomping on a burger. It was a mixed blessing, however, as Franziska von Karma and Godot were also present and mad as hell. Everyone started to yell awful, dirty things until Edgeworth showed his pretty little face. Phoenix also came around with his not-as-pretty larger face.

The defense attorney caught sight of his partner in stupidity and said "See, Fudgey? The greasy burger trail works every time!" The enraged DAs, now realizing whose fault this whole fiasco really was, seized poor Phoenix and went to go see if they could still get that bounty.

Since Phoenix was…err… incapacitated, Maya Fey was left to defend Shelly De Killer.

He lost.

* * *

That was a long ass chapter. Gawd, took me forever to write. It was worth it tho...


	7. I am Not Allowed 7

Hey! I'm back! Woooooo! I wrote some funny stuff in the margin of my paper, so I think I'll put it here for your entertainment value. I gave up valuable time in class to make pen gestures with the guy I like....whoops how did that get here? XD and I need to study for a test....and I felt like crap because my head hurt and I was achey and my nose was running and my throat hurt and I said "fuck my life" like I do a lot.

OH! And my ex boyfriend walked by in math class today because he sits behind me. What the hell happened there? Why did that happen? Only me. So he walks by and all of a sudden, it smells SO BAD! OH MY GOD! I wanted to run away! So we have some options. 1) He is just a smelly football player who doesn't understand the concept of deodorant and smells almost as bad as one of my coaches. 2) He farted as he walked by me. 3) It was some other smelly football player in my class. I don't have anything against football players, I don't, but all the ones in my class suck. The weight of my belief goes in that order.

Well, that's what was written in my notebook...XD I'm so weird. Let's see, I can steal some more stuff from my other ones too...A bunch of hearts, a counter of missed homework assignments, penis on a segway, my homework for that day, a political joke, drawings of Franziska, incomplete song lyrics, more hearts, reference to another notebook. Yeah, I'm so great.

So I wrote this in the library, PROOF THAT I DIDN'T FRICKIN LEAVE CAMPUS! I hate my coach. (not the one for my team. the head one) GAWD! He marked me absent. I'm going to go after him for this one. NO MERCY!

* * *

**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in the DA's Office**

**Number 7: I'm Not Allowed to Rate Hair in the DA's Office**

It was by all means an abnormally ordinary day for the spiky haired defense attorney or at least, it started that way. Naturally, that will change in the course of this story, but it started out pretty normal. Phoenix had unlocked his office at 7:00 sharp, sorted a few old case files, and sat at his desk awaiting any job offers to come ringing in. He got none.

About an hour later, Maya strolled in with Pearls in tow and they settled down to watch the Steel Samurai recording. Phoenix, reluctant to leave his job waiting post, eventually went to join them. He waddled over with the phone in hand just in case someone called. No one did.

Once the show was over, the party of three realized that they were hungry. Phoenix, grateful that they were conducting their day with a semblance of normality, decided to reward their normalcy with a trip to Ted's Burgers.

Maybe Phoenix had made poor choice, what with the DA's office being just next door. Temptation ruins people after all. But Phoenix didn't think much of it, confident that they could overcome and sudden urges to cause mayhem. Not that they'd ever really done it before, but he didn't want to spend the extra thought finding another place to eat, so he really didn't think much of it.

But he did think much of the magazine he tripped over on his way out of the office.

Recovering from the potentially fatal blow to his ego, he shot up and looked offended, huffy and pissed.

"What the hell is this?" He picked it up sharply, his jerky movements broadcasting his obvious contempt. Perhaps he was a bit too mad over someone leaving a magazine in his doorway, but Maya's giggling at his gracefulness or lack thereof didn't exactly calm him down. Phoenix looked at the issue and lightened up a bit.

It was People Magazine.

He'd been given a free copy as a promotion of the "Help Those in Need" campaign.

It was free and therefore his friend.

He smiled as if to forgive the free sample and they trotted onward, excited for their burger lunch.

Once Maya received her large order and sat with Phoenix and Pearls, the small girl caught sight of the ball pit. Yes, Maya spotted the fun zone. She nearly popped Pearl's arm out of its socket while she dragged her cousin over to the play pin. Maya completely ignored the no eating signs and brought her oversized meal into the play pen. Phoenix was left to eat his burger alone like some sort of lonely stalker watching a teenager in a short skirt and her cousin frolic around in a ball pit. Yes, at times, Phoenix Wright was forced into some remarkably pedophilic behavior. This concerned him just enough to begin reading his sample of People magazine so then he would only look like a lonely fashonista rather than a pedophile.

He thumbed through the glossy pages as he chewed on his fries, mentally inhibited when he tried to read any of the celebrity gossip articles. That stuff just didn't interest him unless it was about himself or Edgeworth. On occasion, he'd read a Franziska von Karma based article, but that was only to see how she had spun her sentences around the word "fool" for each different paper. As much as he hated to admit it, Franziska was a creative woman.

But there were no articles of interest to Phoenix until he reached page 98 in which he saw the most life changing ad since Vince and the Shamwow.

Hair rating.

There was a website on People's website that would rank hairstyles. Many good celebrity examples had been printed, scores ranging from 2's to 8's, but what really caught Phoenix's attention was the bold pink print at the bottom.

"Send in your pictures to People's website and get your hair ratings free! Instant results!"

There were so many possibilities!

Phoenix glanced out the window at Maya and saw she and Pearls were having a one-sided "snowball fight" with Maya all but trampling her little cousin. They were too busy to notice, so he snuck off to go right next door. To the DA's office. Lucky for Phoenix, he always carried his handy dandy camera with him, just in case he had to investigate a crime scene, but there were more important things to do with it now.

He was going to take the prosecutors' pictures and send them in to be rated! How genius!

Phoenix strolled in, pleased to see his bounty posters gone, and walked right up to Edgeworth who was riffling through papers in the cafeteria. The overexcited defender leaped in front of his prey and ripped out his camera, taking a picture the next instant. See, the problem with this was that Phoenix's camera was very old and the instant Polaroid kind. With the amplified flash. So, Edgeworth had been temporarily blinded. And Phoenix robbed Franziska, Godot, Payne, Gumshoe, and many more of the resident DA's and their associates of their sight.

But who cares if they couldn't see?

Their hair rating was much more important!

In the end, said prosecutors lost their cases due to a lack of sight and Phoenix got his results.

Franziska and Edgeworth had both scored an 8 while Godot held a less impressive 6, Gumshoe earned a 4 and Payne garnered himself a 1.

It was a good day.

Not exactly normal, but a well spent day nonetheless.

* * *

Rushed the ending, but hey, I wrote it in the library.


	8. I am Not Allowed 8

I don't really have too much to say up here...I wish I was more interesting XD. No, but I'm trying to write more stories. I'm working on getting a Matt Mello lemon online and a Yullen one and a Golden Pair one...yeah I have a lot of stories written out...I should work on the floor series some more as well.

SPRING BREAK! YES! So I have time to do it! Awesome!

And I really do appreciate the suggestions I get for this series! I will put them in :D

* * *

**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in the DA's Office**

**Number 8: I'm Not Allowed to Start a Boy Band in the DA's Office Part 2**

Miles Edgeworth stood completely still.

There was not a time in his angst-inspired life that his heart had beaten this fact.

His rival, Phoenix Wright, just offered him everything he'd ever wanted on a silver platter with a side of opportunity and a sprinkle of acceptance.

For as long as Miles Edgeworth could remember, he'd had this burning desired to become part of a boy band.

Perhaps his less-than-perfectly-straight obsession had been engendered in his system by his father who had routinely watched and listened to the Backstreet Boys. Perhaps he'd always had his impassioned desired locked within him, released the moment he'd tried on his first cravat and pink suit.

Well, whatever the reason it was a well kept secret. Miles Edgeworth wanted to join a boy band.

Of course, once his father had been murdered and he'd been taken under Manfred von Karma's wing, that urge was never mentioned and quite nearly beaten out of him.

But no, that want had remained alive, that fire burning out of control since the dousing had relented. And now, with his oppressor in jail and chance dangling in front of his hungry face, Miles Edgeworth had a choice.

He could remain dignified and scoff at such a ridiculous proposal or he could compromise his ego and reach for his though long gone dream.

Well, he was quite the opportunist, but foolish, foolish Miles Edgeworth tried to do both.

He wiped the drool from his face and calmed Phoenix who had started panicking when Edgey had flashed back for a full 6 minutes, just standing there with a glazed over look on his face.

"Wright…" He started, not quite sure how to broach the subject without tipping his scale of honor and desire. Phoenix sighed.

"Yeah, I knew you wouldn't do it. Sorry for wasting your time." His shoulders slumped under the cardboard of his suit and he began his trudge out the door until Edgeworth, desperate to salvage his fantasy, called out to him.

"Why do you want to start a boy band, Wright? Want to spread the music?"

Guess Edgey needed his sarcasm to shield his ego.

Wright shook his head solemnly.

"As much as I would like that, my major motivation is the money prize. I guess prostitution can pay my bills again this month. I though, with your grace, we could win the contest, but…" He skulked away, obvioiusly very down at the prospect of selling his body to pay for his shitty apartment for the 3rd month in a row. He'd developed an itch and that worried him…

"Very well, Wright. If we are to save your home, then I shall join. I wouldn't want you out in the streets where you'd have to whore yourself out, spreading STD's full time and sending the chain along to the married and cheating population, decreasing the desire for children and increasing the divorce rate, also creating many situations prime for homicide, giving me more cases and therefore, more work."

Not bothered in the least by the illogical train of thought Edgeworth had just sped by him, Phoenix sighed in relief and nearly tackled Edgeworth to the ground.

And as fate would have it, Godot walked in on their little man-on-man episode. He was about to ridicule the pair's fagtastic activities when Phoenix jumped up, releasing Edgeworth from his bear hug, and grabbed Godot firmly by the shoulders.

"Godot…"

~o.0~o.0~o.0~

Godot stood completely still.

There was not a time in his angst-inspired life that his heart had beaten this fast.

His rival, Phoenix Wright, just offered him everything he'd ever wanted on a silver platter with a side of opportunity and a sprinkle of acceptance.

For as long as he Godot could remember, he'd had this burning desire to become part of a boy band.

The conversation took a very familiar turn and, with another explanation of how not participating would create more prosecutorial duties, the lawyer boy band was nearing completion. Tracking down one of the upstart prosecutors with his own band and recruiting the talented "Gavineer," they had an impressive 4 members.

They needed at least one more to be legit and they knew just who to ask.

~o.0~o.0~o.0~

Franziska von Karma stood completely still.

Just kidding!

No, they didn't ask Franziska, though they should have because rumor has it she was a mean dancer. But eventually, they tracked the final member down.

Detective Dick Gumshoe.

As Boy Band Creation Rule Number 3 states, "There must be at least one dick on each squad."

And it was official.

They had a boy band.

Now, they just needed to work on a killer routine…

~o.0~o.0~o.0~

Winston Payne sighed as he crumpled up his N'Sync poster and threw it in the trash.

It seemed that his lifelong dream of being part of a boyband would never come to fruition.

He'd even spent all that effort sending Phoenix an informative email…

* * *

Yay! I'm being extra productive tonight! This is rare!


	9. I am Not Allowed 9

I apologize for the unforgivably long wait. I just got on a super Phoenix Wright kick, so I was back in the mood for legal foolishness. XD This obsession is getting really bad. All of my dreams have had Phoenix Wright characters in them. It's been entertaining.

I have posted 3 new Phoenix Wright fanfictions. "He Blinded Me With His Purple Suit", "Reaching for Affection", and "A Musical Case Study." If you're bored, check them out! School is starting soon. It's awful! I'm frightened. I don't want to go back! SAVE ME!

* * *

**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in the DA's Office**

**Number 9: I'm Not Allowed to Cosplay in the DA's Office**

Phoenix Wright was truly a legend.

He could accomplish things the ordinary man could never even begin to think of dreaming about.

He could move mountains with the push of his pointer finger.

He could very damn well cowbell his way into Mordor.

He could even make Gumshoe competent.

Ok, the last one was a joke, but he could still do a great many things, such as get Maya to cosplay as something other than the Pink Princess. This is where our story begins. What better an opening stage than the 20 percent paper-free environment of the Wright & Co. Law Offices?

"But NIIIIIIIIIIIICK!"

"No! This is downright unhealthy, Maya! Your Pink Princess costume has grown an interesting form of mold where that greasy gamer touched your butt at that stupid convention we went to! It was spreading fast and I couldn't risk it reaching the toilet."

"You and your toilet! I'll bet if I caught the flu, you'd send me out the window before letting me use your porcelain friend!"

"Shhh! Maya, you're upsetting him! Let's not argue in front of the bathroom. Besides, there's nothing to fight about. I already sent your costume to Ema to be 'analyzed'." Maya's eyes began to mist over, showing her distaste for Phoenix's rash actions.

"That doesn't mean you have to quit this whole cosplaying thing! Think of this as a chance to add variety to your repertoire." He added quickly, rubbing the back of his neck as was his custom when thoroughly embarrassed. Her eyes began to perk up, but they sunk back to their water depths as she came to an upsetting revelation.

"B-but Nick, I don't have any other costumes." As she brought the sleeve of her acolyte robe to stem the flow of her impending tears, Phoenix thought _'That sounds funny coming from the teenager wearing spirit medium robes.' _

"Maya, don't you worry! I have the perfect cosplay for you. You can be Ai Enma from Hell Girl! With that beautiful hair of yours and that kimono you keep in the second drawer of your dresser, you could be her twin." Phoenix said cheerfully, assured that this would bring about the end of the issue. Maya looked at him, a puzzled look set on her face, before lighting up her features in recognition.

"Oh, yeah! The one you always wear when you think I'm not here. And here I was wondering why you were yelling 'And now, it is time to die!'"

Phoenix was shocked.

His secret was out.

Trying desperately to save face, he chuckled.

"Yeah, that's the one! You would make a much better Hell Girl than me anyway." Maya began to come around to the idea and, with a little more discussion that went on a familiar toilet-flavored tangent, Maya was dead set on transforming into the bringer of vengeance. She grinned; now ready to seal the deal.

"That does sound like a good idea, Nick, but I can't cosplay alone. What if I need protection from more groping fanboys?" Phoenix nearly choked on his legal documents. He knew what this meant.

"What do I need to do?" He asked in that resigned tone of his he'd become so accustomed to using.

"You can be the Steel Samurai who protects his Lady of Death!" Maya squealed, obviously very pleased with her condition. Phoenix, for the first time in his life, wished for death to come. It didn't.

Five more toilet-related arguments later, Phoenix had somehow been beaten into a rented Steel Samurai costume and Maya was fiddling with the sleeves of her flower patterned kimono.

"Maya! It smells like cats in here!" Phoenix whined, pulling fiercely at the mask which his crafty assistant had duct taped to the rest of the costume.

"Suck it up, Nick! Come on, let's go!" She yelled, pulling him by the wrist, out of the office and onto the train. Assuming they were headed to some dork convention, Phoenix relaxed a bit on the bus, realizing that no one could ever recognize him in such a place wearing such a covering costume. Once at their stop, Maya smacked Phoenix in the head as hard as she could, earning a disgruntled screech as Phoenix tried to straighten out his mask. Before he could adjust it so he could see, Maya was already towing him into a building, up a few flights of unforgiving stairs, and through a long corridor.

"Where are we, Maya? I don't smell geek. It almost smells like...legal." Phoenix moaned quietly, winded from his long journey.

"Wright? Is that you?" An unfortunately familiar voice met Phoenix's ears as he began to turn on his Steel Samurai boot heels and run the hell out of there.

He was met with a wall and a headache. Hearing suppressed laughter coming from behind him, Phoenix decided to try another way out.

"MAYA! WHERE ARE YOU?" He shouted, feeling around angrily for the treacherous little Hell Girl.

"Ms. Fey left before you tried your heroic escape. Please, Steel Samurai, sit down. I'm honored you have you in my office."

"Shut up, Edgeworth."

Finally able to wrench off the suffocating mask, Phoenix began to appreciate the constant smell of tea snob in Edgeworth's office.

"Wow, Wright, that is a nice outfit. You should wear it more often." Edgeworth said with his smarmy smile in place as he gazed at Phoenix from across his desk. There was also a vivid blush playing across his cheeks, but Phoenix couldn't really figure out what was up with that.

"Your cosplay costume is great too. Do tell, what character is gay enough to wear a giant cravat like that?" Edgeworth, now seeing that Wright was still able to fight back, stood up and began to approach the sassy defense attorney.

"You know, Wright, you actually don't look half-bad in this costume." He began to inch closer. "Indeed, to the right person, it would be quite the turn on." Once Edgeworth was within three feet of him, Phoenix began to realize just what that blush was about.

"Edgeworth, what are you… You're going to regret this when…AUUUUUGH!"

That was the first time Miles Edgeworth had ever given Phoenix Wright a manhug.

The following butt grope wasn't new, but frightening all the same.

The rest of the day was fuzzy for Phoenix Wright. He couldn't quite remember how he escaped Edgeworth's clutches or how many weeks he'd promised to not buy burgers for Maya. The next day, however, came in clear as a bell once Phoenix Wright walked up to the front door of the DA's office only to find a new sign posted on the bulletin board that read:

"NO COSPLAYERS! THIS MEANS YOU, WRIGHT!"

It was only after this that Phoenix Wright began posting on FML.

* * *

YAY! Finished! I have a wonderful idea for next chapter!


	10. I am Not Allowed 10

**Things Worth Notice: 1) **A HUGE thank you to SummerEliza for the great chapter idea. She suggested a chapter about birthday gifts, but I decided to change it just a little bit and add make the piece more seasonal with the Christmas theme. Snaps for SummerEliza! **2) **By popular demand, the next chapter will deal with cooking in the DA's office. Thanks to MatsyKunTEPHA for that one! **3) **Since the holidays are a busy time, I will probably slack off on my fanfictions. If you'd like to see more attention devoted to this story, please go to my profile and vote on my poll! If this one is not voted for, then I'd like to take this opportunity to wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season!

**Other Less Important Things: 1) **I am totally thinking of just focusing on finishing the fics I have out now before starting anything new. (With the exception of larger projects such as this one and Bitch Stepped on My Floor Cake). When I'm done, I would love to take suggestions. Please, if you have them, send them in! **2) **I would really appreciate it if you would also check out my newest Phoenix Wright fanfiction. It's called "Reaching for Affection." I tried to make this one more angsty and artistic. Please check it out and tell me how I can improve my writing. Thank you!

**

* * *

**

**100 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in the DA's Office. **

**Number 10: I'm Not Allowed to Give Gifts in the DA's Office. **

"HO HO HO!"

Phoenix shouted as he strolled merrily down the halls, puffing out his padded belly in a gesture of holiday spirit.

The bulging satchel slung heavily over his shoulder inspired curiosity, so much so that it distracted Gumshoe from his casework.

That doesn't take much, but it was an interesting sight nonetheless.

After depositing a small, clumsily wrapped parcel outside of Godot's office, Santa Phoenix in his jolly red suit bounded into the elevator. He hummed a different tune at the change of each floor, something he'd become accustomed to doing after a particularly frightening elevator ride with Franziska von Karma. The trial that day bored poor Franziska out of her (prodigal) mind and she desired some entertainment. Things began to look up for her and down for Phoenix once they found out they'd be riding together until at least the 14th floor. Seeing as music was an expense the head DA was not willing to have, the thin elevator walls tended to be permeated solely by the purrs of machinery.

Franziska, on this day, was unhappy with the lack of melody and asked, rather politely, for Phoenix to sing the way he had back in the days of "So What." Fearing the sting of her whip, he'd complied.

After that, even in his solo journeys in the elevator, he would sing a few seconds of "So What," "Caramelldansen," "You Raise Me Up," "Down," (which was ironic because half of the time, he was travelling up) "Stepped on My J's," "Raise Me Up Buttercup," "Crazy Possessive," "In the Ghetto," "Poker Face," "Ooh Ooh Baby," Don't Stop Believing," "Baby Got Back," "Omigod You Guys," and "Lucky."

Jason Mraz's part would, of course be sung by Franziska because she was the more masculine of the two.

Just kidding.

But not really.

So, he'd picked up the habit that, unfortunately, got him in trouble on more than one occasion when he'd landed on Edgeworth's floor singing the words "Oh my God, Omigod you guys! All this week, I've had butterflies. Every time he looks at me, it's totally proposal eyes, Oh my God you guys!"

Not today, oh no, he changed his tune.

Literally. (Fucking word play. I apologize).

It was something much more festive today and, moseying down Edgeworth's corridor, he continued his colorful rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock." It wasn't until some he got to the part about rocking the night away that he realized he was breaking the 3rd decree of the DA's office.

"I am Not Allowed to Burst Out into Song in the Hallways."

He contented himself with humming until he reached Edgeworth's tall wooden door. Not bothering to knock, he let himself right into the den of Miles Mayhem where he saw Edgeworth scribbling heavily onto some papers and Franziska perched lightly on the adjacent couch next to an unhappy Godot. Three of Santa's targets all in one well-manicured place.

His presence now reluctantly acknowledged by the trio. Pointing as he yelled, Phoenix roared "Ho, ho, ho…" He then gestured to himself. "Pimp!"

Godot, Franziska, and Edgeworth were spectacularly un-amused. Unfaltering, Edgeworth groaned in his monotonous trill.

"Wright, what did we say about cosplaying?" A smug grin crossed Phoenix's face as he threw his pointer arm out in his famous protest.

"OBJECTION! Cosplaying is defined as costume play in relation to an anime, game, or movie. Santa is a beloved folk character! It says so on Urban Dictionary! So…TAKE THAT!" He mistakenly took the absence of reply to mean a win.

He continued the charade. "Santa's got something in his sleigh for all of you, children! Let me just check my list." Phoenix pulled a thin sheet of toilet paper with ink bleeding all through it. "Godot has been a good boy this year! You're on the nice list. You get your present now."

The coffee addict was handed a small package, wrapped in pink metallic paper and laced with a baby blue ribbon. Godot blushed when he saw what was inside: A coffee cup with the words "Drinking decaf is like kissing your sister." Godot's eyes began to water with a remarkable joy.

"Thank you…Tri….Wright." Phoenix grinned, elated that his gift had satisfied. He turned back to his list.

"Uh-oh. Franzy's been a very naughty girl." He said this with a wink, the gesture returned with the mean end of a whip. Rubbing the newly formed red slash on his face, Phoenix grumbled as he reached back into his satchel. He pulled out a red parcel and handed it to her.

She snatched it away angrily, waiting a full six minutes before whipping the wrapping paper away. It was a studded dominatrix collar. In the meantime, Phoenix reached the end of his Santa list with Edgeworth.

"My, my, Miles, you've been a very good boy. You get a present as well." He tossed the working attorney a green and red gift that bounced off his head and onto his hand, disrupting the pen flow and forcing a nasty line across the paper.

Angered, Miles slid the present to the side, mumbling harshly as he continued his work.

Wildly offended, Phoenix strolled casually over to the desk and slid the gift back in front of Miles.

Further annoyed, Edgeworth opened his desk drawer and shoved the present inside.

Phoenix retrieved the gift and, this time, shoved it in Edgeworth's face.

A quick slap of the wrist and the box was back on the desk, red tinsel bow askew from the fall.

Wright recoiled, contorting his face with shock and rage. He grabbed the present once more, this time, throwing it at Edgeworth's head and tackling the poor attorney, forcing him to the ground. Once on the ground, Miles was straddled, with the mistreated present shoved into his cheek.

A lot of effort involved in gift giving, especially when the thing being given is a Steel Samurai Ken doll.

They have those, you know.

And, for what must have been the third time that week, Phoenix Wright was escorted out of the building and a new rule was tacked onto the list of things disallowed in the DA's office.

**

* * *

**Well, once again, Happy Holidays!

**A Funny Story For Those Who Would Like to Read About Verbal Abuse. (HOLIDAY EXTRA)**

The last week before break, I was feeling really shitty. Headaches, dizziness, lethargy, all that, but I had a lot on my plate for the week, so I decided to only take one day off so I could recover and finish the week out. (I ended up cramming 5 quizzes, two tests, a midterm, and a gigantic project into 4 days).

So I'm at home, lounging around as only a semi-sick person can. I meander downstairs around lunch time, ready for some soup and SNL, when my phone rings. It's my bestie, Rebeccer! Our conversation begins as I crack open a can of chicken corn chowder and start heating it up. She regales me with the happy tales of the day.

She begins by teasing me with a story (LIE) about how much my crush missed me. After my vehment dismissal, she moved onto our main story. My genius friend, let's call him Super Asian (because he is), who has been learning how to be a dirty little bastard has struck again. You have to understand, however, that Super Asian is usually very calm and innocent. We've been working on his corruption fo about two years now and we are just beginning to see it's effects.

For Lang, we had to split up into groups. I zoomed to Rebeccer, of course, then she and I chose our other friend and Super Asian to partner with. This was before we could officially form groups, though, so the arrangement had to stay under the table. Monday, the day I was absent, was the official signing of the groups.

This one kid, who we shall call Liz T. Feathers for reasons of a completely hilarious inside joke, decided he would like to pilfer my spot in their group. Firstly, no one in this group enjoys this kid and Rebeccer usually makes it known. This time, she didn't have to.

**Liz T. Feathers: **Can I join your group?

**Rebeccer: **No, xXKanpekiXx (replacing my real name here) is already with us.

**Liz T. Feathers: **Then we can be a group of five!

**Super Asian: **No! You cannot join our group! No one here likes you, please go away!

Isn't he the best? He often alludes to me being a whore, but that's ok! XD But this is just one heartwarming story for the season.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!


End file.
